I'm the Writer, He's the Musician

90-90-90 Four months old today

2009-04-24T17:36:00.000-07:00

Baby Eyes is 4 months today and he's 90th percentile for head, weight & height. head 44cm, weight 17.05 lbs, height 26 inches.

He rolls over both ways, laughs, etc. He's so big I always forget he's not eating food yet. BluesMan always forgets he can't walk when he wiggles himself off of us.

He's a pretty easy baby, the kind of baby that when people hold him they say, "Oh, yum, he's so sweet." He's calm and lets his sister do anything she wants to him. He's losing his hair, just has a patch left on top.

He spits up too much and why didn't I get one of those breastfed babies who only poo a couple times a week? Would be much easier w/ the cloth diapers. He just did his wiggle thing so I had to set him down.

He likes to play with toys and he will sit in the swing, which is handy. He's already a mama's boy. :)

My name is KrimoJo and I pee my pants

2009-03-31T17:17:00.000-07:00

I've had this sinus infection with the tickly cough going on for about a week now. Last night, I was sitting on the couch w/ the babe on my lap and I started coughing and couldn't stop.

Now, I had some incontinence w/ my first pregnancy that went away as soon as she was born. With my second preg, it seemed to start earlier and I thought it had gone away, but I've had some dribbles during sneezing or coughing. I've increased the Kegels, but yesterday I had to put in a panty liner because of the dribbles.

When I was sitting on the couch last night WITH a panty liner and I started coughing, my bladder just started releasing and releasing. My pants were wet all the way through, and so was the couch. I got up, handed the baby to BluesMan and had to go change. I was embarrassed but more frustrated than embarrassed. Will this go away with Kegels? Is surgery in my future? Is it from my episiotomy w/ my first and re-opening it with my second? Is it from the extending pushing I had w/ my second labor when he wouldn't descend?

My poor, poor body. I can deal with the squishy tummy and saggy boobs, but what if I had been on someone else's couch? I don't want to have to depend on Depends.

Question about pigment

2009-03-11T15:22:00.000-07:00

My daughter is white, like white white. I mean, I'm white, but people comment about her porcelain skin. Our friends joke around with us that she's lighter than their kids, not what people expected BluesMan and I to have. I was surprised to have a light, blonde haired blue eyed daughter, but here she is and she's what I'm used to.

When Eyes was born in December, I thought his eyes were blue the very brief first second I saw them, but they're brown. They've gotten darker. His hair is starting to fall out now, but it was pretty dark when he was born. His coloring overall is more olive than my daughter's, and he just overall looks like my husband. People comment he's his mini-me and Bubba is my mini me.

When he was a few days old and we took him to our postpartum checkup, I noticed what looked like a bruise on his thigh right below his butt cheek. The doctor said it was a Mongolian spot. It's extra pigment. It's not very common in Caucasian babies. His forehead is darker than his face, his back is dark, and his hands are very light. When he had a check up a couple of weeks ago, I asked the doctor what this dark stuff is in his belly button. He said it's extra pigment.

His nipples are brown, but I only just noticed this. I wonder if they've been brown the whole time or just changed from pink. His testicles are looking darker lately too. I just did some poking around and I found this: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060808183300AAc3UP5.

It seems like his skin color is changing all the time. My sister in law is the darkest of the three kids, and in her baby pictures she's pretty light. I guess it's hard to say what Eyes is going to look like when he's older, but either way, my two children are going to have very different skin and eye coloring.

Do you have any experience with mixed children and if you've noticed their coloring change?

Introducing Isaac - ok, he's a month old today, but here he is

2009-01-24T19:01:00.000-08:00

Better late than never, here's the skinny:
I.saac J.ames D.yson H**son was born on Christmas Eve at 4:49 am. 8lbs, 12 oz, 21.5 inches long. And for your viewing pleasure: (and birth story below)
\:

My midwife, Andrea, broke my water at 11:30am on Tuesday the 23rd of December at 10 days overdue. I had been walking around at 4cm for over a week with a bulging bag of water and completely effaced. BluesMan and I left and went to Fred Meyer and out for teriyaki and then to Starbucks while waiting for labor to begin. I started having contractions at about 5pm that day.

We ended up deciding to not have Bubba at the birth, since she was present for one of my internal exams and was too concerned about me being in pain. It ended up being the best decision since it was a really hard labor.

From my memory, everything seemed to be going well until I was about 8-9cm. I had a cervical lip and Andrea had me push while her hand was there to see if she could get it to move while I pushed. I walked for over an hour around 11pm to try to get him to come down a little or change position. I don't even know how long I pushed total in this labor I think it was at least three hours.

At one point, I reached down and could feel his head and I know the midwives could see it. We tried different positions, birth stool, bed on back, bed on side, tub, toilet, squatting over the bed, BluesMan in a chair and me draped over his lap. Andrea also tried having me not push and she tried to push his head back up some, hoping he would come back down in a better position.

Around 3:30am, Andrea told me that she would give it another 30-40 minutes and then we would head to the hospital. I kept pushing during that time as hard as I could. I knew I had pushed a baby out before and I was doing what needed to be done, but I knew that it just wasn't working and my gut was telling me it just wasn't going to work at the birth center. The plan was that they would try to vacuum him out before they would do a c-section since he was so far down.

Once we decided to transfer, everyone was rushing to pack up. I kept pushing. Things started to feel a little different, I kept thinking I had to go to the bathroom - it was probably his head. The hospital was only about three blocks away. In the car, the road was pretty bumpy with all of the ice. BluesMan wasn't quite sure where the entrance was so he did a little extra driving around.

Once we got to the hospital maternity unit, they offered me a wheelchair, but they didn't have one so I walked quite a distance down the hall, stopping every so often to push. Once we got to the room, they did the usual stuff, IV, asked questions, etc. I kept trying to push.

We checked in at 4:13 and he was born at 4:49 - the doctor didn't have to really do anything - she came in and the baby was right there. They wheeled in the large mirror (it was HUGE) so I could watch as I pushed my baby out. His head was very elongated and I think it was obvious that he had been in the wrong position for awhile. His cord was very tight around his neck so the doctor had to cut it and leave it long, BluesMan got to recut it later. My episiotomy scar did tear some and she had to do stiches, but it didn't bother me much, so it was definitely easier than last time. I got to have a natural birth and see my baby coming out. It was a really painful experience and I was very glad when it was over - but I did it!

I guess I tried to bite BluesMan four separate times during contractions - I only remember one time because he jerked his hand away. I remember feeling ripped off because this baby was supposed to be easier to birth since it was my second. But - this labor was very emotionally healing. With Bubba, I was really bummed about a lot of things that happened and my body took much more of a beating. I now know what it feels like to have contractions, to feel your water breaking with the warm gush, how it feels pushing out your baby - and with the huge mirror, I know what it looked like when he came out. I reached down and touched his head inside of me. The only thing I'm bummed out about this time was that my episiotomy scar tore, but even that isn't stinging when I go to the bathroom.

I don't know if his position was because we broke the water and maybe he wasn't in position the right way? With all of the snow we had been having, we wanted to plan the labor so that we could get Bubba somewhere safely and us to the birth center safely. I think it was a good decision since it snowed so much Christmas Eve and Christmas.

We wonder if the drive and/or walking in the hospital finally got him to turn. Maybe the fact that I took a break and wasn't pushing with every contraction? I guess we'll never know. The doctor did notice that my contractions were pretty short. I was giving Andrea 3-4 pushes with each contraction but my body was only helping me with about two and then the contraction would peter out. I'm sure

I. saac (Eyes) is a really sweet baby. He's pretty long and thin. He's definitely floppier than Bubba was and I'm having to re-learn how to nurse a newborn who can't support himself, but we're doing really well. Bubba was so excited to get a brother for Christmas, she even said she didn't need anything else for Christmas! Of course, reality is starting to set in and we have had some hard days, but she still loves having a brother. Here is a link to his pictures: http://flickr.com/photos/kristy_jamal/sets/72157611594269883/

It's true, I can't remember the pain, but I remember it hurt so bad I felt like calling up my friend who has had two natural births and yelling at her for not telling me how much it hurt. Bubba turned 3 on the 21st and we just had her party today.

10 Days overdue - no baby yet

2008-12-23T02:07:00.000-08:00

The snow in our area caused our midwife to reconsider inducing yesterday - she felt like it was sending too many people out on the roads for an elective induction.

The new plan is tomorrow morning at 10:30. At 10 days overdue, I would need to get an NST or an ultrasound anyway. More snow is expected, so doing it tomorrow may help us avoid driving in the snow in the middle of the night or missing Christmas Eve with Bubba.

9 Days Overdue - Maybe a Baby Today

2008-12-22T01:51:00.000-08:00

On Friday I was 4cm dilated and completely effaced. I'm still walking around pregnant.

Our plan is to break my water today at noon. The problem is, we're having as close to a blizzard here as we've ever had. If we can make it the 17 miles to the birth center and someone else can take care of Bubba, we will have a baby. We may not be able to make it out of our driveway. If we can't, we may end up HAVING to get to the birth center or calling an ambulance to take us to a hospital if I go into unplanned labor.

So - possibly in 10 hours I could be having my water broken.

Still no baby (40 +3)

2008-12-16T11:40:00.000-08:00

Of course I'm overdue. I shouldn't be surprised. I have an appointment tonight at 6:30. I'm going to have them strip my membranes again and this time I won't be such a wimp so that they can actually strip the whole thing.
I'm hoping I'm at 4cm dilated and they'll just break my water.
Part of the problem is we have snow coming in and I'm worried about going into labor and not being able to make it the 17 miles to the birth center. I will be talking to them about it tonight.

I guess I know he'll be here sometime between now and the 27th, but I really, really, really, really don't want to be pregnant/in labor on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. A huge reason is that I don't want to be away from Bubba, I want to have a good Christmas with her. So let's get the little guy out before then.

I have been having so many contractions over the past week - and then nothing. I ignore contractions now. I teased BluesMan that he can deliver the baby in front of the Christmas tree. I don't think he was thrilled about that idea. :)

Gettin' close (39 +6)

2008-12-11T00:07:00.000-08:00

I had my midwife strip my membranes on Tuesday - I wanted to get things started earlier this time than I did with Bubba since she went so late. Cervix was forward, effaced, and dilated to about a 2. Baby was at -1 station. I was so glad to hear that since I've been having a lot of contractions and I've lost a lot of my mucous plug - more came out today. Today, BluesMan worked on recording music with his friend so I took it easy, not wanting to start labor. I feel like my body is so ready that if I went for a really long walk I would be in labor.

We had an ultrasound last Tuesday to check baby brother's growth (I believe his name is going to be I*saac) since my measurements hadn't changed in 6 weeks. The funny thing is, they were estimating him at 8lbs, 8oz already - kind of freaked me out.

My midwives have my due date as the 13th, not the 12th like my ticker does. I guess they use a 29 day pregnancy wheel? Anyway, I have a tentative appointment set up for Tuesday the 16th and I would LOVE to cancel it! I guess the 12th is a full moon, maybe that will help - my dad's and BluesMan's uncle's birthdays are the 15th, so that day could be cool too, although that would be going overdue again.

Ok little guy, I have everything ready for you (except the house isn't super clean) so you are allowed to come now.

Pregnancy Update (32 weeks, 4 days)

2008-10-21T21:12:00.000-07:00

Crap. I had my midwife appt. today. They called and tried to cancel because the midwife I was supposed to see was sick today, but I noticed I couldn't feel baby brother move the way I could before. I wasn't feeling his bum at the top of my uterus or his head down below either. I saw the fill-in midwife.

Well, I was right. The little guy is now breech, I think he's footling breech to top it off, since when the student was trying to feel for a head, she felt a foot. I know he can still turn, but dang it, he has been head down ever since we've been able to make out his position. Why would he do this? I knew when he did it too, he was totally freaking out the other night and must have flipped himself around then. I just knew he was up to something.

At my next appointment, I'll be close to 35 weeks so I'm going to call my midwife tomorrow and ask if there's anything we should be doing at this point to encourage him to turn.

Please baby, turn back around. His feet kicking my bladder make me feel like I have to pee constantly, this is no fun at all.

I also jumped up a lot in measurement - from 31 cm last time to 34 cm today. Of course, I had two people measure me who I had never met before, so it could be that too.

Successful night (31 weeks)

2008-10-10T13:47:00.000-07:00

Last night, Bubba put her babies in the spare room to sleep. She said since they're big they go in a different room. Then, she asked to sleep in her bed. Let me say it again - she asked to sleep in her OWN bed and she did it!!!

Ok, it was one night and she woke up at 4 and came to bed w/ us but it's a start. this morning when i asked her, she said she liked it! Fingers crossed that this is a new trend.

Lonely, Depressed, Bored, Stressed. (30 wks 4 days)

2008-10-08T23:47:00.001-07:00

I don't even know how to start this. Is this really my life? This isn't how it was supposed to be. When we decided to get pg, BluesMan didn't want another baby right now, but he did it for me. My job sucked hardcore, but I would get 12 weeks paid leave and I didn't want to look for another job. I didn't think that they would let me go when I was seven months pregnant.

But they did. BluesMan is now working and his commute is at least an hour each way. He leaves before Bubba and I wake up and gets home around seven or so. He's working his butt off for $10 less an hour than I was making. With my unemployment, we're making $3.50 more an hour than we were on my income, but I just got the CO*BRA statement in the mail. For all of us to be on it without dental, it will cost us $1000 a month. Now, I'm pg and I have a labor coming up in about two months, so I know I have to be on it. BluesMan is on mental health meds, so we need insurance that covers his meds and psychiatrist visits. I guess we could try to find other insurance for Bubba, but the $1000 a month would cover Baby Brother as well, I don't know if we tried to insure them both on another plan if we would have to pay more for each of them - the package deal may end up being the way to go for a family of four.

BluesMan alternates between being grouchy and resentful towards me and being kind and loving. I never quite know which version of him I'm going to see, so I've been trying to avoid him. It hasn't been that hard with him working so much.

We still haven't purchased a second car so Bubba and I are stuck at home or taking the bus. Part of my problem is my belly. I get so many more contractions now than I did with her. Carrying her and the stroller on the bus wipes me out. She gets grouchy too and there aren't many places we can go on one bus, to get anywhere really fun we would have to take at least two buses. I took her to lunch last week on two buses and the way home was not fun. I don't think I can do that again. One bus each way seems to be the limit.

I'm so bummed that I don't get that 12 weeks paid leave and that BluesMan will have no time at home with the new baby. It will be harder for Bubba too because she won't have all of my attention. BluesMan's mom is probably going to want to come over all the time, but I'm really done with her. After dealing with her sickness all summer, I just kind of want some space.

I know we'll get through this, but it's so hard right now when I'm looking at being out of work for six months at the minimum and having to pay such high health insurance costs, as well as BluesMan missing those early days with the baby.

Bubba didn't take a nap today and I was exhausted. I took her on the bus to story time at the library, then we went for beef noodle soup, then cupcakes, then the Sal*vation Ar*my where I got her a fleece for $2.00, and then home on the bus. She had a major freak out on the bus on the way home (she wanted to stand on the bus by herself or move to another seat and I told her she needed to stay seated with me) and then when we got off the bus she scared the crap out of me by running off down the sidewalk. She's never done that before. I was so freaked out and upset with her I strapped her into her stroller and kept her in there until we got home. Ugh, I was angry.

These past couple of days, she's had at least one freak out fit where she just can't control herself. I'm trying to figure out if she's tired, if it's me not being a good enough parent, teething, or developmental. It's happened in different situations. Today, when we got home and she was still crying and yelling "no" at me, I told her to go do a time out on her bed. The first time she came out of the room she was still grouchy, so I sent her back in. The second time she came out she was her sweet self again. I've seen her react to BluesMan too, so I don't think it's just me. I feel like maybe I've been too slack with boundaries lately because I'm bored and don't want to be stuck in the house for hours at a time and I don't feel like being too creative with her.

Our place is trashed. We have new baby stuff that friends have given us all over the place. We need to start moving the music stuff out of the music room and make it Bubba's room so that we can get organized, but that also means going to our storage unit and organizing that. BluesMan has been too busy. It's actually midnight and he's not home yet. He had a gig tonight and packed both his tools and his instruments because he was going straight from work to his gig. He's got to be up probably at 6am for work and I bet he's not in bed before 2:00. I miss him so much, but I'm so afraid of his unhappiness. I feel like it's my fault for being the loser that lost my job.

On the Edge (28 +5)

2008-09-15T16:19:00.000-07:00

My last day of work was Friday, and then I have about 7 vacation days accrued, and after that BluesMan is going to have to pick up any construction job he can get. He actually already has a job lined up with his friend. He's going to be an actual employee - not under the table. He's going to be making $10 less an hour than I was and we'll have to pay COBRA. With my unemployment we should be ok, tight, but ok.

And we need a second car right now. I carpooled to work so we've lived with one car for 2 1/2 years. Our truck won't fit two car seats anyway, so we've been planning on getting a second car. I'm going to be home w/ Bubba for 12 hours a day w/ no car and the weather is getting bad. Boo.

What's really bumming me out, though, is that Bubba won't be able to go to daycare 2 days a week anymore - those are the only friends she has and it's a cool place run in a home by two sisters. She may not even be able to go tomorrow since we only have one car and BluesMan has to be at work by 7am and it's an hour's drive. I may take her on the bus in the morning and next week, but we're not going to be able to afford it next month - my company reimbursed me $250 a month.

Those two days a week were for BluesMan to work on music stuff and our condo so we can get out of here. Unfortunately, his mom's illness took up the whole summer and we didn't get the things done we needed to. Now I don't know what will get completed before BabyBrother arrives.

My company has until the 30th to find me something else - my exit interview is Tuesday. I'm so angry. No one will hire me at this point in the pregnancy. Even if they did, they would have to terminate me in order to take 12 weeks off. I went through that when I had Bubba.

I lost my job because one of our clients didn't like me. They're calling it "not a good fit." The rub is she's leaving the group on the 8th anyway. You couldn't have given me 12 more weeks? Bitch. They already extended me a month past my original end date because they couldn't find anyone to replace me. I would not have put up with the stuff I did for the past two months if I wasn't pregnant - I would have found something else, but I couldn't because of the pregnancy - if they DO find me something, I get 12 weeks paid leave when the baby comes. If they don't, which isn't looking good at this point - I have my unemployment and BluesMan works and can't take any time off when BabyBrother is born. None. I will have Bubba and a newborn and no help. I know I'll breastfeed, but don't know how I'll do it with no help. And poor Bubba won't have her two days w/ her friends.

Ok, not feeling so hot tonight.

How did Sept. get here so soon? (25 w +6 days)

2008-09-04T17:12:00.001-07:00

One thing I want to be sure I write so I don't forget is Bubba with my belly. She's always begging for "belly time." She is constantly lifting up my shirt to touch my stomach, doesn't want me to touch it, just her. Baby brother's name is "betyl-betyl" and she has a baby sister in her tummy named Kanga-Moose. The belly time thing is cool and all, but it's almost like having an infant again, I can't cook dinner without someone at my feet trying to reach up and touch my stomach. This morning, she kissed my belly goodbye when she left.

We're having a difficult time with naming the boy. The middle name is covered, all men in BluesMan's family have the same middle name. It is the same name as a vacuum cleaner brand and ends in son: --son. It's sort of funny, since our last name also ends in son. I like to make jokes about naming him Jackson Xxson Xxxson. So any first name ending in "son" is out, which is sort of a bummer.

I still can't wrap my mind around having a boy. What's it going to be like? I really, really wanted my daughter to have a sister. I love having a girl. I am sure I will love having a boy once he's here, but I wish I didn't know what he is because I'm just bummed I have to pack most of Bubba's baby clothes away. My mom says little boys love their moms and it's fun having a boy and girl because it's a different experience. I know all this - I know in my heart I'll be crazy about him once he's here. If you have any great stories about raising sons, I would love to hear them. People tell us how lucky we are having one of each. It's funny how they assume that's what we wanted.

Part of what scares me is I feel like I'm recreating my family of origin. I have a brother 2.5 years younger than me. We are not close, and never had the closeness I see in other siblings. But then, he had some learning disabilities and spent most of school in learning lab/special ed and I was in the gifted program. Just very, very different people. That can happen no matter if you have boy/boy, girl/girl, whatever. BluesMan has a brother almost three years younger and they are not close either. Again, just super different people.

My job has been extended twice now, but they finally hired a replacement for me. He starts on the 17th and my last day is the 19th. I interviewed for another position with my company yesterday but haven't heard a thing back. I don't really have the experience doing the job, even though the job title is the same. What my current team does is sort of mis-named, I guess. That was a bummer finding that out.

BluesMan's mom is out of the hospital, but she is still doing s*hock therapy, she had another treatment today. It's been a little over two weeks since she's been home, but she has huge gaps in her memory, even forgetting conversations we've had with her earlier in the day. She doesn't remember being depressed or anxious, and the treatments continue to wipe her memory. Someone still has to be with her at all times.

BluesMan really wanted to be able to retire her - she turns 62 this month, but she's only been teaching 18 years and that would mean leaving a lot of money on the table w/ soc security and pension. Plus, there's the issue of her $50,000 of credit card debt. Ack. I really wish we could wash our hands of her problems. I had a long conversation with her on Friday, trying to explain why she can't afford to go on vacation right now. Yes, you have money in the bank, but we don't know how long you'll be out of work so we need to stretch it. Plus, you have medical bills coming in, you were in the hospital for 6 weeks!

On May 31, 2009 it will be 6 years for her divorce finalization. Her ex husband has been paying the mortgage these past five years. Plus, she gets $1000 a month rent from the house next door that they own. She's lived rent free plus gaining that money and still managed to go deeper in debt during these five years. BluesMan's siblings are 30 and 23 (his sister at 23 is still living at home and being a dependent even though she has a degree from one of the most expensive schools in the nation!) and they believe their dad should just give MIL the house - of course, they bought their houses in the 70s for $20,000 and currently owe $300,000 on them, so it would mean him paying her mortgage for the rest of her life. She says he should do it if he wants to save his soul.

Ack, the insanity. If it were only his mom's sickness we were dealing with, that would be one thing, but we're also dealing w/ "adult" children who are not living in reality either and are planning on starting to call their dad and ask him to give her the house. I think they are going to cut him out of their lives if he doesn't. Of course, brother in law has already sort of done that. MIL has lied to the kids all of these years, making them think their dad didn't send her any money. BIL didn't want to believe me when I told him - yes, your dad has REALLY been paying the mortgage ever since the divorce. Blech. Enter the family drama.

It's only going to get worse as the time of selling the house draws near.

Sometime soon, I want to post about my thoughts on the birth of my second child, and my worries about what we're going to do with Bubba when I go into labor.

We're good!

2008-07-31T16:09:00.000-07:00

Just got the FISH results - baby boy is 99.6% fine (and still a boy).

I wish I could get it to sink in. He's really ok!!!

Bundle of Nerves (20 weeks 6 days)

2008-07-31T13:33:00.000-07:00

Bubba is at daycare today, I'm working from home, and BluesMan has been at the hospital in meetings with his mom's doctors and social worker.
I was ok until 1pm. Then, my stomach turned to goo and I couldn't stop crying. I haven't heard anything yet, but I really don't want to get the news without him being home.

I want him here with me, he's been spending too much time dealing w/ his mom's stuff.

To take my mind off it, a funny story:
MIL has been getting s.h.ock ther.apy. (Long story, we didn't want her to, but the insurance company started talking about wanting her out of the hospital we felt we had no choice, blah blah.)
She calls BluesMan yesterday after her 4th treatment. It causes amnesia right afterwards. She tells him, "I have decided we're just going to move in with you." (Who "we" is, I don't know, hher and his 23 year old sister?)
But she couldn't remember where we live. He tells her about our condo, being on the 3rd floor, the vaulted ceilings, etc. No memory. She asks him about our driveway. He tells her we have a parking lot. She remembers - "Oh! Spot #91!" Next, she keeps asking about the inside of our house. Finally, the name of our Beta fish triggers her memory of our living room.
He says it's the weirdest thing talking to her after a treatment, it's like a TV show. As the day goes on, her memories come back. She still feels disassociated from herself and freaks out when visiting hours are over, though.
I can't wait to hear from him what the doctor/social worker are thinking the next step is. She's been hospitalized since July 4th and was staying with us/couldn't be alone since June 22 or so. It's been a looooooooong summer. I'm hoping August is better.

I wish I wasn't getting the FISH news in July since it's been such a crappy month. I'll try to not be superstitious.

(Updated) It just keeps getting worse (20 weeks 5 days)

2008-07-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

Things are so bad, I can only give a list:

Losing my job. The last day is August 22nd. My company may find me something else.
MIL still in the mental hospital.
20 week ultrasound yesterday gave us a 1:4 or 1:5 chance of Downs based on the nuchal fold - measurement was between 5.9 and 6.2. Had amnio on the spot. Results tomorrow night.

It's a boy.

Feel free hit me over the head, everything else already is.

Update: We did the FISH, so we expect the results today, I'm thinking around 5:30 Pacific Time.

Mental

2008-07-07T11:08:00.000-07:00

I really was hoping July would be better than June. Here's my last month to sum up:

June 5 - Nuchal screen that gave us a 1:29 chance of having Downs.
June 6 - 21 - Raging sinus infection.
June 13 - Blood work back changing our Downs risk to 1:88.
June 22 - Come home from camping to find MIL "not doing well" and needs to stay at our house.
Week of June 22-29 - Have MIL stay with us a total of 5 days. She is still "not doing well" - having negative thoughts, wants to check into the mental hospital. Very scattered and out of it.
July 1 - BluesMan gets a call from Bubba's daycare that she fell and hit her head and they want him to come pick her up.
July 1 - BluesMan goes to his mom's Dr.'s appointment with her. Good thing, too, because she's so out of it she can't even tell him what medications she's been taking.
July 2 - We take Bubba to urgent care clinic because she is acting dizzy and "off." Doctor says she's fine, but she hears a heart murmur and we need to make an appt. w/ her regular doctor and probably get an ultrasound.
July 4 - We get to go to a parade, but then MIL decided to sit in her car in her garage w/ the engine running as a suicide attempt in the hour between his sister leaving and her friend coming over. She was probably only in there for 5 minutes and we know she just wanted to be admitted into the hospital. We decide it's time for her to enter the hospital and end up spending 3 hours in the emergency room. (She had a "real" suicide attempt 9 years ago and was just about successful, so we couldn't mess around with this.)

So I'm a bit nervous to schedule my 20 week ultrasound the way things have been going lately.

Unfortunately, MIL has major financial problems and just wants a magic pill to fix everything. She has a lot of work to do and isn't willing, BluesMan is convinced she's going to end up killing herself.

1:88 (14 weeks, 5 days)

2008-06-18T18:29:00.000-07:00

I got the call from the genetic counselor on the way home from work last Friday. I had figured that since it was 5:30, I was going to have to wait through the weekend to hear from them.

She said that the blood work came back and our risk went from 1:29 to 1:88. It's still "high risk," but it went from 3% to 1%. After talking it over with BluesMan, we have decided to do no more further testing. Why do amniocentesis with a .5%-1% risk of miscarriage when you're telling me the risk is only 1%? Doesn't make sense to us.

I was really hoping that if the blood work was good, it would be able to bump us up to 1:200, closer to the normal range, but I don't know if that was really possible with the bad number we got from the measurement.

I tried to find what the normal range for free beta HCG and the PAPP-a should be, but it's really hard to tell. My free beta was .86 and I don't remember right off what the PAPP-a was. It looked to me from some googling that the PAPP-a number I got wasn't that great of a number.

I have decided not to worry and so far I've been doing well. My job is sucking at the moment, and I've had a sinus infection for two weeks, so that's giving me enough to worry about right now.

Day 5 - 2 to 4 to go (13w 4 days)

2008-06-10T16:52:00.000-07:00

I called the genetic counselor today. She said that weekends DO count in the 7-9 days for blood work turnaround. They didn't send my blood work in until Friday. She says I may not get any results back until Monday or Tuesday. Friday was the 6th. I think this Friday will be 8 days. I sort of hope I find out before the weekend.

I still can't taste or smell anything. I'm hoping my sense of taste/smell come back tomorrow!

NT Update (13w 3d)

2008-06-09T15:52:00.000-07:00

We decided not to do the CVS. With a risk of 3% that something is wrong and CVS having a 1% miscarriage rate, we have decided to wait for the blood results to come back.

BluesMan says that he would feel differently if the sonographer hadn't repeatedly told us that she couldn't get the measurement because of the way the baby was moving and that she would probably need us to come back. He feels like there's way more human error involved in the measurement part of the screen than in the blood test.

So that was Thursday and it's now Monday. That's five days already- if the 7-9 days counts weekends. I'm going to call the genetic counselor tomorrow to make sure that they ARE processing the blood work (they talked about not doing it if we were doing the CVS) and if 7-9 days includes weekends or not. Oh - and did they send the blood work Thursday or wait until Friday since we had the CVS scheduled for Friday? Worst case scenario looks like I could be waiting until the 18th. (If they sent it in on Friday and weekends don't count.) Could I really have to wait nine more days?!?!

I guess the second part of the update is I've been sick since Thursday. I had a sinus thing going on Thursday, but with the bad screening results and the crying and the stress, I ended up with Bubba's cold on top of a sinus infection. Throw the stress and being pregnant on top of that, and I have been flat on my back. I spent large portions of the weekend asleep. BluesMan has been so helpful with Bubba.

Yesterday, I broke down in tears around Bubba, I felt so guilty that I couldn't play with her on the weekend. My MIL came over Sat. night to help out w/ Bubba because BluesMan had a gig. He didn't get home until about 2am. Not a good night for me to have to stay up w/ Bubba. It's my fault, since I was sick we forgot to get her nap in and she fell asleep around 6:30. I had to wake her up, but my MIL wanted to keep looking at men on m atch dot com and I didn't wake her up until 9pm.

Milenka - I've been wondering how you are! I saw from nolongerbroken's blog that you have a password protected blog set up. If you don't mind, please e-mail me your blog info at krimojo @ gmail dot com - I really want to know what's going on with you!

Nuchal Fold: 3.2mm

2008-06-05T12:45:00.001-07:00

We did the combined screen today. I am 12 weeks, 6 days. The baby was beautiful, squirming all around, being difficult for her to get a measurement. We were in there about 45 minutes with her trying to get the right angle. Finally, she said she had it.
We were walked down the hall and into the Genetics Counseling office. Not a place we had planned on going.
The Genetic Counselor sat down with us and told us that with a nt of 3.2mm, our risk of downs is 1:29. She told us our numbers should be more like 1:375. She talked to us about CVS and amniocentesis. I have a CVS scheduled tomorrow at 11:30am. I'm not sure what to do. My placenta is towards the back, they think they can get it through the abdomen, but they may have to go in vaginally.

While we were still at the hospital, I had them do the blood work so that if we decide to cancel the CVS they can still run that part of the screen.

It was shocking. I didn't expect to be there. Baby is probably fine. We sort of decided to do the test at the last minute (I just scheduled the screen yesterday) and hadn't talked about how we felt about an amnio or CVS.

This is EXACTLY the reason I didn't do the screen w/ Bubba. In her case, I spotted most of the first trimester and couldn't bear to have a period of uncertainty.

Ack - if I do the test tomorrow, we will know for sure Sunday night. I just can't bear the thought of causing a miscarriage to a perfectly healthy fetus.

I'm not working right now, I have a horrible headache and I'm going to take a short nap to see if that helps.

Lookin' Good (8 weeks, 6 days)

2008-05-08T12:03:00.000-07:00

I wanted to say lookin' great, but then they pointed out the subchorionic hemmorage and I got nervous.
We had the ultrasound on Tuesday. Saw the baby, actual baby-lookingish parts, not as blobby as I thought it would be. Heartbeat 172 bpm, measured exactly on target at 8 weeks, 4 days. The doctor did mention a small subchorionic hemmorage and asked me if I've had any bleeding. Thankfully, no I have not. He said it was nothing to worry about, but still, I worry some. Will it just dissolve?
I googled a lot, but most people found theirs because they were having bleeding. Mine's much smaller than the baby, so maybe there really isn't anything to worry about? Let me know if you know anything about them. I think you can see it in this picture - it's the dark spot right at the bottom of the pic. Nothing to worry about, right?

No bleeding and 6 days to ultrasound! (7 weeks, 5 days)

2008-04-30T09:57:00.000-07:00

No bleeding yet! I believe this is the first pg that I haven't bled by this time. I think I had an ultra sound at 7 weeks, 5 days both times because of bleeding.

I had my midwife appt. last Thursday and she was really great at understanding my worries. We scheduled an ultrasound for next Tuesday the 6th when I'm 8 weeks, 4 days. I want to see that heartbeat. Six days to go, six days to go!

It's a good thing to not be bleeding, but I'm feeling less and less sick everyday and my nips are less and less sore. My worry is that the baby died already and it's going to be a missed miscarriage, which would be more difficult than my first, since I was bleeding when I went in, saw no heartbeat, and miscarried naturally the next day. To go in with no bleeding, see no heartbeat, what would I do? I guess I would call my midwife and she would tell me how long I could wait until I would have to get a D&C.

Wow, look how negative I am! I am still having round ligament pain, so I feel like things are still growing and are on track. If you'd had a pg and morning sickness that just disappeared but everything turned out ok, please chime in. :)

My blood pressure was pretty low at my appointment - 100/60. They told me to get up slowly and eat salt. They said there's not much they can do about it right now. I'm also starting at a lower weight than I was when I got pg w/ Bubba, so that's nice.

BluesMan has actually lost 50 pounds since Bubba was born and the midwives were in shock when they saw him. He changed his antidepressant meds and the weight just fell off - must be nice.

Odds and Ends (5W 5D)

2008-04-16T14:21:00.000-07:00

I'll be six weeks on Friday and I'm still in denial. It's really weird. I have my first midwife appt. next Thurs, the day before I'll be seven weeks. I think my big denial is the miscarriage thing. I'm not letting myself think I'm really pregnant.

I'm leaning more and more towards getting an ultrasound around 8 weeks. So much depends on that little heartbeat. With both of my pregnancies, I've started bleeding at 8 weeks and I only have a 50% success rate. Without an ultrasound, even if I get through 8 weeks, I won't know if everything is OK for sure. BluesMan probably won't want me to get an ultrasound, but I might push for it.

I do have a little bump already. I remember when I was pg w/ Bubba, I used to have BluesMan feel my stomach and he didn't feel anything different for a long time - man, with the second it really is different. Last night he acknowledged my bump. I told him I don't know if I can hide it for another six weeks at work at this rate. That's another reason I want to get the ultrasound, I want to be able to "come out" a bit earlier than 12 weeks. If I could just see that little flicka...

Here's a question - what happens to your milk when you're pg? I'm still bf Bubba just one or two times a day (which is a hug e bummer when the nips are sore and she's got teeth, let me tell you). Does your milk go away somewhere in the second trimester and colostrum replace it? Wouldn't it be funny if one b00b kept producing milk for the older one and one produced colostrum for the newborn?

Symptomless

2008-04-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

If it wasn't for that digital test on the 3rd, I would have no idea I'm pg. I don't feel any different. I'll be five weeks tomorrow. I'm trying to stay calm. I do remember getting heartburn right away when I was pg the last two times. My b00bs aren't sore, I'm not really queasy. Although my b00bs might be starting to grow now... not that they need to.

I know, I know, it's early. I need to let it go. Still...

I'm calling my midwife's office tomorrow to see if they're on my insurance plan, since I had different insurance when Bubba was born. I guess I'm a little excited to start making those appointments. I know we were able to hear Bubba's heartbeat w/ the doppler at 9 weeks. Maybe I just won't go for an appointment until I can hear that little heartbeat.

Here's something strange - we haven't, of course, told Bubba. Two nights ago, she put her hand on my stomach and started rubbing it. Last night, she told me I have a baby in my stomach and then made me put her doll under my shirt so she could feel the baby. I've heard kids sometimes sense things like that.

Obsessions

2008-03-24T17:01:00.000-07:00

I'm in such denial that I could possibly get pregnant this month. I've been trying to figure out why I'm in the place that I am with it. I've been pregnant twice before - the first time I got pregnant the very first time we tried. The second time, it took three months from when my body started behaving normally after the miscarriage (I got pregnant right around the due date of the baby that we lost so it was nine months from the start of that pregnancy to the next one).

Is it because I know that getting pregnant is only part of it, that you don't necessarily have a baby just because you get pregnant? Am I too afraid of those early pregnancy days?

I don't think so. I have been pouring over fertility fiend's site, looking at my chart from when I got pg with Bubba, but this feeling is still different than it was when trying for her. I think I have more solid worries this time - how will it change my relationship with the child I do have? How will my husband react once we are pregnant? He's trying with me, even asking if I want to be on the bottom to increase our chances. Do I really want to be doing this? The biggest reason I'm doing it is, if I'm being completely honest, I want Bubba to have a sibling. My brother and I were close as young children. If I get pg right away this time, they will be almost three years apart (2 years, 11 months). I feel like we're in the window/passing the window of child spacing that I wanted.

I love the age Bubba is at now, and I have ever since she's been out of the tiny baby phase. I didn't love those early days. I love newborns, but I don't look forward to having to care for one 24x7 again. Bubba didn't let us put her down for the first four months. We couldn't eat dinner at the same time. I think back to all those things and how much harder it will be to take care of a 3 year old at the same time. And yet - I love so much where she is now. It's all worth it and more.

One big reason that BluesMan has agreed to try right now is he knows I want #3 to be a possibility. We're 33 - if we get pg soon, we'll be about 34 when #2 is born. If we wait, it only makes conception that much more difficult.

Maybe part of my denial is from fear. Will I get pregnant without trouble this time? My brother and his wife got pg on accident w/ #1 and it took them 16 months of trying to get pg with their second. I know there's just no guarantees.

I STILL want to be in the place where I'm not obsessing. This would be so much easier if I had more regular cycles. I'm still breastfeeding, but my cycle has been back since Bubba was 2 or 3 months old. My cycle is more regular now after I've had her, but I still occassionally have a long cycle. It just makes an extended period of having to keep trying. Part of me is nervous because I don't want to miss a chance. I want to feel like we gave it a good try this month - is he into it enough for me to keep coming after him to get it on?

Our daughter is not a good sleeper. He stays up late w/ her. She sleeps in her bed next to ours, but she often crawls into our bed sometime in the middle of the night. It makes our time together a bit scarce. Trying means I have to stay up way past my bed time or hope that she takes a nap when I'm home.

All I can do is keep trying, I guess. I know it will happen, or at least the chances of it happening are pretty good.

2WWw/#2?

2008-03-21T14:50:00.000-07:00

BluesMan and I have been kicking around various ideas about should we have #2 now or should we wait. My job is sort of a bummer and even though they have some great leave benefits (the first 6 weeks off paid 100%), the job itself doesn't have the flexibility we need as a family.

I have tentatively started looking for a new job, but at the same time I don't want to wait the three or so months it would take to find a job and then enough time to be there until I would fall under the FML*A.

I guess we started trying on Sunday, though. He's told me he doesn't really want #2 right now, but I'm the one working and he wants me to be happy. What it comes down to is we need more help and he wants to make sure he can continue to do music.

I say "I guess" because I know it's not something he's super into. It doesn't feel to me like I could really get pg this early in my cycle. We bd on day 10 (Sunday) and then last night on day 14. The first time I got pg, it was on day 14 ended in mc. When I got pg with Bubba, it either had to be day 16 or day 22, since I tested on day 29 and it was negative and day 30 and got a bfp. It may have been as late as day 22, but looking at that chart now (I was temping and checking for ewcm), it says I ovulated on day 18. So we're trying, but I think it's still too early in my cycle and even though we've tried twice, I don't know that he's enough into it to keep trying.

I told myself I wouldn't obsess this time, I would just "have fun" and go with the flow. We use the withdrawal method so it's definitely more fun to try than not. I can't seem to not obsess, though.
I'm already signing into fertility friend and looking at my chart when I got pg with bubba and comparing it to this month's chart. I know, I'm insane.

Look - here's getting pg w/ Bubba:

And here's this cycle:

So, do I have a chance? I'm not temping this time. I'm not that crazy yet - however, I DID buy 2 pg tests at the dollar store last Saturday - and it was even before we were trying! Am I nuts?

Overheard!

2008-03-18T16:55:00.001-07:00

It's the weirdest thing - I watched Dr. P*hil on You*tube - his episode about women who want babies and their husbands don't. Dr. P said that he overheard his wife telling a friend her biggest regret was not having a second child so he went out and reversed his vasectomy.

Sometimes life imitates art, I guess. I was on the phone w/ my friend, complaining about where BluesMan is (or isn't) with having a second baby. I thought I heard when he came in, but apparently hear heard me telling her a bunch of things that I would never say to him in person.

It took him a couple of days, but he eventually told me he overheard my conversation and he knows I'm really angry with him.

New post

2008-02-22T16:07:00.000-08:00

Look! It's a new post! My poor, neglected blog. I have been working a normal 8-5 schedule and my husband is staying home with our daughter.

I guess our latest thing we have going is we're in heated discussions about kid #2. Bubba turned two last month and I really want to start trying. I wanted to start trying this month, but he's scared. I wanted to start trying in November, but he can't make up his mind.

My vision was that my kids would be two and a half years apart. Now we're looking at almost three years - if it happened right away and we didn't have another miscarriage.

The frustrating thing for me is that I work and he stays home. I'm asking him to make his day to day life more difficult and he would be doing it mainly for me. Is it OK to have a kid for your partner?

It took us 10 years for him to feel ready for the first kid, I tell him we don't have another 10 years for the second. I really didn't want to be in this place again. So sad and frustrated. I didn't even really enjoy being pregnant or enjoy the tiny baby stage, so it's not about that - it's about feeling that we're missing someone in our family who should be here.

If it's not one thing, it's another

2007-08-17T18:37:00.000-07:00

We took Bubba to her well-baby checkup on Tuesday. She'll be 19 months on the 21st. She is 31 inches long and weighed in at a measly 19 lbs, 3oz. The doctor is concerned and is sending us for a blood test and a poop check. What I think is going on is that she won't eat for me, she just nurses and I was just home with her for the past three months while BluesMan worked.

I just started a new job on Wednesday (more about that in the next post) and I'm now away from her for 10 hours a day and BluesMan is staying home with her. I actually think it's going to be better for her to be away from me, since she eats more food. The doctor is concerned she may have celiac (we don't think she does) or isn't absorbing her fats or sugars. I really don't think there's anything wrong with her. To look at her, she doesn't look malnourished.

Anyway, our doctor was sort of rude and we haven't liked her much anyway and this last appointment sort of solidified our feelings for her. She wasn't even very nice to Bubba. I thought, "If you don't like kids, why are you a ped?" That's a bad thought to have about your kid's doctor. She didn't even seem impressed with all of the talking in sentences Bubba does now and all the other cool stuff, she was just negative and a bummer and made us feel like we're doing something wrong or we're bad parents. I think she thinks we're starving Bubba or something. Well, we'll show her, Bubba ate four yogurts last night!

18 months

2007-08-08T17:27:00.000-07:00

Bubba is about 18 and a half months already. She is so much fun and busy too! She's speaking in sentences now:
She says,
"I want to go to the bee." (a riding toy at a playground we frequent)
"I want the boob."
"There's the bushes." (with a cute upward lilt to her word at the end of the sentence.)
Last night, at the exact same time Barry Bonds hit his home run breaking Hank Aaron's record, she said, "Put Down Ducky." Do you know the Sesame Street Ernie song? "You gotta put down the ducky if you wanna play the saxophone."
I was all excited and telling BluesMan to turn down the radio just as he was turning it up to hear the celebration.

Bubba has three of her molars - finally. She had one for a long time and the other two popped through last week. She's having a huge developmental leap.

I'm sittin' at the unemployment office, waitin' on my loser of a caseworker

2007-07-26T16:48:00.000-07:00

I had 4 interviews last week. Out of the 4, I knew I had a shot at 2. One I really, really, really wanted. They were supposed to get back to me mid-week, wouldn't that be yesterday? I even took the time to take an editing test for them from home. I wish they would just tell me I didn't get it so I can be sad and move on.

The other job told me they interviewing all this week, so I didn't expect to hear from them. I might get an offer from them, but it's a small startup (16 people), so I don't know if I really want it but I want/need a job.

Tomorrow I have an interview with a company that I interviewed with 2 years ago. They have 17 writers on staff! They offered me a job, but I had already started at my previous job and I didn't want to commute to the city. So I turned it down. They called back twice, offering me more money. I still turned it down. I guess I have a good chance of getting the job, but I don't know I want the workload and the commute to the city.

I'm starting to get bummed out not having a job. That, and BluesMan is working an hour and a half away (including the ferry ride) and has been taking the truck so if Bubba and I want to do anything we have to take the bus, which is fine, but it really wipes me out and takes more effort than driving. Take right now, for instance, I really want a shake/frappa thingy, but I will have to take a bus or walk half a mile to get it. MMMMMMMMMMMMMan, I miss having two cars sometimes. The ironic part is my time off right now would be so much better if I had a car, but I can't get a car unless I have a job. :(
(Lyrics from Evercl*ar's Unemployed B*yfriend)

Pet peeve

2007-07-23T09:57:00.000-07:00

Ok, I have come to this cafe w/ free wi-fi to look for a job. I have an 18 month old at home and can't get much done there, so that's why I'm here. I'm not here to chat with you. Sorry, I'm not rude, just busy. I don't have my headphones today, but that still doesn't mean I want to talk.
Thanks.

18 Month Pics

2007-07-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

We taught her how to do "blue steel" from Zoolander. It's a great party trick.

The Planner

2007-07-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

My bil's girlfriend/partner/whatever has a nickname - and just in time too, I have a doozy of a post about her. Her nickname is The Planner, courtesy of Michelle. I love it!

The Planner and my MIL are in a music group together. It's a large singing group which sometimes travels internationally. They just returned from a trip to S America. MIL has been in the group for years. The Planner has probably been in it about a year. This is the first trip she's taken with them. MIL got back four days before The Planner.

When I saw MIL yesterday, I asked her how The Planner's trip was, if she had fun (BIL and The Planner rent from MIL in a house right next door - so next door they share a yard.) MIL got a weird look on her face and said, "Yes, I think she had a great time." Apparently, The Planner extended her trip four days and MIL thinks she hooked up with one of the guides. I forget his name, let's call him John. Anyway, John was the guide and his first day as their guide he announced to everyone he's getting married August 11th to Jessica who is in New York right now and flying in at the end of the week.

I guess there was some "pretty out there energy" between John and The Planner. When The Planner joined the group a year ago, she told everyone she's essentially MIL's daughter in law, even though she and BIL won't be getting married. So everyone knows The Planner is with MIL's son.

The story The Planner was telling everyone was that John and his fiance Jessica were going to put her up in a hotel for a few days and she was extending her trip. MIL got to spend her trip with numerous people coming up to her and telling her gossip and what they thought was going on between The Planner and John. MIL didn't address it with The Planner while they were down there.

When The Planner got home last week, MIL asked her if she got to meet Jessica. Jessica apparently flew in the day The Planner left so no, she didn't meet her. This is making me feel all squeegy just writing it. So MIL knows all this stuff, and the whole music group knows, but we don't know if BIL knows. Maybe they have an open relationship. Maybe she told him what was going on, we just don't know, but it was pretty lousy to put MIL in that situation and disrespect BIL like that in front of everyone in the group.

Every year, MIL rents a house on the ocean. We used to go, but she's been driving me nuts lately and I don't want to be stuck in a house w/ BIL and The Planner, so we're not planning on going. However, BIL and The Planner are already talking about going. MIL told me she's not comfortable staying in the house with her until she addresses this. She needs to tell her how awkward and uncomfortable it was for her. I think she also needs to know if BIL knows.

One thing about The Planner is that she's very abrasive and aggressive. Any confrontation between her & MIL is just going to be ugly...

It's her potty, she can cry if she wants to...

2007-07-05T09:25:00.000-07:00

Bubba has been telling me when she has to poop lately and I've been putting her on our toilet, but it's a little scary up there. So I bought her a potty two days ago. I figure why not? If she's into it, she can sit on it.
Yesteday morning, she woke up and told me poo poo, so I took her diaper off and sat her on her chair. Her diaper felt like she hadn't peed in it all night. She only sat on the chair briefly and then stood up. Before I noticed what was happening, she peed on my leg. But! We were so close to getting it in the chair!
Then, yesterday she told me poop so she sat on her chair and I read her Goodnight Moon. Nothing happened, but I'm in favor of supporting this behavior.
I'm not trying to push her, but BluesMan and I both agree that if it's something she's into, we should let her lead and support it. I didn't expect this so early, but she's been surprising us in many other ways as well.

-------------
Conversation overheard outside super large baby store:
Two women getting out of their car. One says, "If you have another baby, maybe I'll get it for you."
The other woman with determination in her voice, "I'm getting pregnant next month."

Ok lady, good luck with that. Was this a woman who's been trying and trying to convince herself next month is her month? Or is she someone who is naive, got pg first try first time and never had a worry?

My bil's girlfriend, I don't have a name for her, yet, has her life completely planned out. They're not getting married, since they don't believe in it, but they live together. (Personally, I wouldn't want to plan on having children with someone I wasn't married to, but whatever.)
She's not nice to bil and is very abrasive. No one in the family likes her, even BluesMan and his sister, who generally give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
Anyway, she has announced to the family that she's getting pregnant in March of 2008 after they get back from Europe (maybe they're supposed to conceive in Europe? Don't know, don't care). She told us all this over a year ago - it's part of "the plan." Anyone else hope it takes at least 6 months? I think she's on the pill, I hope she's one of those women who it takes 1 year to conceive after getting off the pill. When I got off, I only had 4 periods the first year, one every three months or so. I was totally freaked out, at least we weren't trying to conceive.

These are the people that don't ever have any money - my bil actually paid his dentist with bottles of wine from his dad's wine collection and yet they spend money to go to concerts that we can't afford and he went to Spain last spring. Sorry, I'm not going to feel sorry for you when you're traveling to Europe one month and telling me in the next breath that you're broke.

Bubbalicious

2007-06-15T10:47:00.001-07:00

I've been meaning to do some updates about Bubba. She's going to be 17 months on the 21st, I can't believe it! In some ways she's such a baby still, but in others I see a little girl. I really love her personality, she is very sweet. But, she's also having some attitude with us lately too.

BluesMan chalks it up to her teething. Two nights ago, he was seeing what she had in her mouth, and discovered a new tooth - a molar! This puts the tooth total to 9. Man, that molar was a lot of work, her teeth hurt her so much. I hope multiple ones pop through this time, I can't believe all that was for one tooth, and it's only half of the molar. Poor kid.

She tells us, "no, no no." We're working on this one. Trouble is, it's so cute, but really, she needs to stop telling us "no" and the running away from us could be dangerous in the wrong situation.
When I tell her things and say, "Ok?" she answers, "Ok."
Other words she says (more like what DOESN'T she say - she's very verbal):

No
Shoe/sock
Toe
Baby and the sign
doll
Book and books - she makes the distinction between one or more and signs when she's saying it
teeth
bird
girl and points to herself
her name
library - of course, it's a baby form, but we can understand what she's saying
right there
chex (the cereal)
banana
lasagne (which sounds a lot like banana)
her aunt and two of her uncles' names - she calls my brother Pat "Pack" it's so cute
love you
cucumber - again, it doesn't totally sound like that
fish - and the sign for it
help and the sign
now she says nurse, as well as signing it
boppy, the nursing pillow. she brings it to me too
the usual mama, dada, grandma, grandpa
ball
seat
covers, pillow.
boob. it's embarrassing when we're in public and she wants to nurse and says boob repeatedly. No one has seemed to notice, though
Done and signs all done
Gone and signs all gone
playground/park
cart - she's obsessed with shopping carts and points them out whenever she sees them
moon. another obsession, makes BluesMan take her out and show her every night.
Go. says this a lot throughout the day. go go go.
clothes
dress
guitar (of course)
tree
car
star
dog, cat, goose, frog, lion, monkey, horse - and many, many animal sounds.
it this boring you yet? She is very talkative.
Ok, I'm getting bored, i will have to pay more attention, I know I'm missing a ton.

Not only does she say a lot, but she understands everything. I was nursing her in the living room the other day and BluesMan had the baseball game on his little radio in the other room. She sat up and said, "Pitch!" I couldn't figure out why she said that, but then I realized she could hear the game.

I can tell her to go in the bedroom and find the boppy and she brings it to me.

Last night, I had this little toy that you fling and it sticks to the walls. I left it high up on the wall until BluesMan got home, and then I told her to show daddy. She walked him over and showed him. Anyway, she's a quick one and I will hate myself someday for not writing more of this down. Maybe she'll hate me too.

Take this job and shove it

2007-06-14T09:03:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to post, but being out of the habit makes it a big deal to do it.

Update:
We went to cali for SIL's college graduation over Mother's Day weekend. My FIL lives in L.A. and apparently his apartment is so junky he decided to put us up in a hotel on Ve*nice Beach for two nights. No complaints from me.
It was so lovely, me, BluesMan and Bubba played on the beach and walked the strip, watching the crazies. It was lovely having a vacation. With BluesMan's music schedule this summer, we figured that was our only chance at a vacation.

I got back late the night of May 14th. I went into work later than usual, around 10am (oh, I forgot to update that my job had been sucking, I had a new manager I didn't like and she waited until my review to tell me I needed to be in the office all day everyday).
Anyway, I get to work and one of my friends took me outside and told me I was getting laid off. She wasn't supposed to tell me, but she gave me a heads up.

Half an hour later, our Senior VP came over and led me into his office. The HR lady was already sitting there. I got a month's severance and they let me go back to my desk. I sent off a last email to my team and a bunch of people took me out to lunch.

I was dreading going home, having to tell BluesMan about the layoff. When I did tell him, he was very happy. He was tired of my boss jerking me around: the previous week had just been the worst. We went for a hike.

Since then, it's almost been a month already! We looked at our finances and figure that I don't have to have a job until July 7th. Well, I need to start work on the 7th. That's not counting carpentry work he can do with his friend. He worked two days last week, but it's an hour and a half commute each way.

I turned down a job a couple of weeks ago, it would not have been a good fit for me. I'm also trying to avoid going the contract route, since we'll just find ourselves in the same place again in six months, but without severance.

Bubba has been extremely clingy since I've been home, wanting to nurse constantly, freaking out if I have the nerve to go into a room other than the one she happens to be in. I bought a laptop so I can get away and search for jobs. I am in a coffee shop right now, supposed to be working on my job search. Wish me luck, there are many contract positions, not many perm jobs in my field.

PIctures from March 2007

2007-04-06T12:19:00.000-07:00

She pushed this chair all around my grandparent's dining room - it was hilarious.

She looks sad, but she's just chewing apple. Notice the red allergic bags under her eyes.

My grandma was impressed with this pic - Bubba just stood and gazed at the Hummels, didn't try to touch them.

She loves stickers. This is right before she walked over and placed a sticker on my grandpa's camera as he was trying to take pictures.

14 months

2007-04-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

I am so bad at updating. I say I should do it, but when I spend all day at the computer, it's really hard to make time to post. Hmm. Don't know why.
I have a ton of things I want to remember about Bubba, what she's like, what she's up to now.
Here's some of the cool stuff:

About a week ago, I was doing a silly dance in the kitchen. Bluesman was holding her on his lap way on the other side of the living room. We have a cut out between kitchen and living room, so Bubba could see me. Bluesman wasn't watching. She looked at me, looked up at him, got his attention, and pointed at me with this, "What in the world is my crazy mom doing" expression.
She talks so much now. She can say her name, and in any conversation we're having she listens and picks out a word to copy.
Yesterday, she climbed up on the couch to get to my wallet I had taken away from her. When I put it on the ledge behind the couch, she climbed even harder and grabbed it.
She took Bluesman's sweatshirt, carried it to the bedroom, opened the bottom drawer of his dresser, and started shoving it in. Too bad the drawer was so full, she totally would have gotten it in.
I had a conversation with her on the phone about a week and a half ago. I had been at work longer than usual and Bluesman put her on the phone. I asked her if she read books and she said, "books." I asked her if she ate Crispix, she said, "yeah." I asked her if she colored, and she said, "yeah." It was so cool. When Bluesman got back on the phone, he confirmed she had done all the things she told me she had.
Two nights ago, I was feeding her pasta out of some chicken soup and she wanted the spoon. I gave it to her, she put the pasta on it and was able to eat it off the spoon.
She loves bubble baths and says, "bubble." When she knows I'm going to take a bath, she immediately starts trying to take off her clothes.
Yesterday I had to work and it was nice out. I told her Daddy would take her to the park. He still needed to eat lunch and get dressed. She brought one of my shoes and one of his shoes into the kitchen to him. Then, she put his sweatshirt in her carseat and said, "go." Then she stood by the door and repeated, "go go go." And tried to figure out how to open the door.
There are toy ducks that you can ride at the park - you know, the ones on a big spring? - and she loves them. She rode all four of them yesterday. When she got home, I asked her if she rode the ducks and she said, "shhhhew shhew" and rocked back and forth like she was on the duck.
She loves kids and going to the park has been a way for her to get around them even more. She was trying to hand other kids flowers yesterday.
She's so social, she says hi to everyone we see, and if she's down walking around she will try to hand them all of her toys. I hope she keeps up the sharing. ;)
She loves the vacuum cleaner. My mom came and spent the night last Sat so I could go to Bluesman's gig with him and they vacuumed. Now she keeps walking to the closet where it is, making a noise like she thinks the vacuum makes and wants it on. I guess it's good, it helps get her food off our floor.

The not so fun:

Trouble sleeping. I think it's her teeth. She puts her finger in her mouth and points to them.
Allergies - she gets bags and red rimmed eyes. We were going to take her to an allergist, but we have a $500 deductible and the letter we got from them before the appointment said that initial appts. run $450 and testing runs up to $1400. No thanks! We'll think about something else, thank you very much.
It seems anything she really likes to eat causes her to break out. Hummus, strawberries (maybe), oats (that rules out Puffs and Ch**rios), avocado (she never got to keep that down long enough to decide if she liked it or not) man, it's hard to feed her.
The nursing. She still nurses a ton, waking me up at least three times a night. Usually, it's a quick nurse and back to sleep, but lately I've had to wake up Bluesman to walk her around. Poor guy, he had a gig Wed night, didn't come to bed until 2:30 and then had to spend an hour walking her around. He can sleep in with her during the day though, I can't. I have to be able to think and function at work. We've talked about getting the crib out of storage we've never used. It may suck at this point and make things worse, but I'm becoming resentful and I don't like that. Oh - I've just had a thought, I've been working longer days at work lately, maybe it's because I miss some feedings with her during the day? Probably not, she's really upped her solid food intake lately.

Well, that's all I can think of right now. I have a meeting at 1:00 and 2:00 so I can't head home until at least 2:30, but it's around 75 degrees out today so I think I'm going to take advantage of it and sit in the parking lot or something.

Walk this way, talk this way

2007-02-07T09:19:00.000-08:00

I think this is the first time BluesMan has actually directed me to blog something. We took Bubba to the library yesterday and she went nuts - in a good way. I wanted to get a library card in our new town and movies for our Portland trip (more about that later) so we went as a family.

I was over by the checkout desk doing the card stuff and he was with Bubba in the Children's section. Apparently, she was so excited and overwhelmed by all the books she just started walking all over the place. She's been taking steps for probably three or so weeks now, but last night was a definite turning point. She was at the table where the books were and walked over to the book shelves, about six steps away. BluesMan said she stood there looking at the books and then walked to the activity table. Next, she decided to just walk out into the middle of the room.

When we left, the checkout lady said, "It sounded like she just said 'thank you'." I said, "Yeah, she says, "Thank you." And Bubba said, "Thank you!" so cute!

When we got home, Bubba was still walking around the house. Of course, we need to pick up some of her books and toys so that she doesn't trip so much, but she's there. She's officially walking.

Later, I was taking a bath and had BluesMan watching Bubba. They came into the bathroom and he was all teary eyed, "She's not a baby anymore. She's a toddler. I didn't think it would happen so fast. We have a walker. I didn't think I would be sad, but I am."

I wasn't as sad, maybe because I missed most of her library journey, but I did get teary eyed later as she was walking around the dining room. Now I keep asking him if he wants to have another baby, since we don't have one anymore - heh!

I went to the Dr. and guess what he told me, guess what he told me...

2007-02-07T08:40:00.000-08:00

We had Bubba's appointment Jan. 29th. The one day she doesn't take her nap, of course. Then they kept us waiting 45 minutes in the waiting room.

Bubba didn't mind, though, she was happy to see kids. She crawled around and played with a little girl and a little boy with a cochlear implant. BluesMan was all weirded out about her getting sick crawling around the floor, but I felt like it wasn't a regular doctor's office, it was a hearing center, craniofacial center, and arthritis waiting room. Most people who were there, I figured, weren't sick. We did wash her hands afterwards anyway.

We had a schedule of who we were supposed to see and in what order, but they didn't follow it, possibly because we were so far behind. First, Bubba got weighed. The nurse was so surprised, Bubba just stretched out like she was sunning herself and laid there very still. She got a little fussy after they measured her length - she didn't like the head measurement. Her weight was less on their scale at 17 lbs. and her length was also less - 28 inches. I forget what her head was, but the first measurements looked like it hadn't grown since 9 months.

Next, we saw the plastic surgeon first and he had a resident with him. Unfortunately, I was nursing Bubba facing the door when they opened it and she sat up so I totally flashed them.

I didn't really like this guy, he only half-listened to our answers when he asked us a question and the resident would fill him in. "How old is she?" We said she just turned a year. A few minutes later, he said something about how old she was and the resident said, "She's 1."

He had an accent and was sort of snooty. He took one look at Bubba, said that a metopic ridge was really common and only something to worry about if her head was misshapen in a way that her eyes were close together. He put on some gloves and some lube on the gloves and ran his hands over her head. Bubba did not like the head messing. The doctor said that the line tends to run in families. He had me feel his forehead, he said he had a ridge (I couldn't feel it) and then he felt my head. I think he said he felt one on me, but I don't think I have one. BluesMan said he has one and the doctor felt it.

He said that it should go down as she grows, but then he talked about having to go in and burr it down in a few little boys (but he's never had to do a girl?) because they would fall on it and the skin would split right there over the ridge.

Altogether, I felt like we wasted his time. I could tell he couldn't understand why our ped was concerned. He said they see these all the time and had seen five of them just that day.

Next, we met with the resident who worked w/ the ped. BluesMan didn't pick up that she wasn't the "real" doctor. I don't know why he misses those details sometimes. Anyway, we had a nice visit with her. She was impressed that Bubba says so many words and has so many signs. She said they only expect 2 to 3 words at this age. When she measured Bubba's head using a regular tape measure (like you use to sew), she came up with a different number. I think it's because Bubba's head has a ridge in back and the size can vary depending on if it's over the ridge or it has slipped up above it. When the ped came in, she got the same measurement as the resident.

Bubba also had her pic taken by the craniofacial photographer. That was sort of funny.

So - it's nothing, we wasted the doctor's time. We didn't even have to meet with the social worker or schedule any follow ups. I'm sort of confused though, my ped called the next day to see if we had our appt yet. (I think she probably knew we had because they sent her the records.) She said that the metopic ridge closing is the rarest and they don't see it very often. Huh. I didn't want to argue that she's telling me exactly opposite what Children's told me. Whatever.

I'm not totally sold on our ped. We're supposed to go back on the 20th for a follow up. We're supposed to be going to a nutritionist, but it's not covered by our insurance at all. She also gave us a referral to an allergist, which I don't know if we're going to do either. We stopped giving Bubba Gerb*r Puffs and Ch**rios and the eczema on her legs is much better.

Dr. Dr., give me the news

2007-01-24T14:36:00.000-08:00

The appointment for Bubba's head is set for Monday at 1:30. It's actually four appointments and I'll be taking half the day off work.
First, she will get weighed and measured, then we'll meet with a Pediatrician/Geneticist and Plastic Surgeon. There may be someone else I'm missing. Last, we meet with a social worker. Apparently, all new patients meet with a social worker.

Four appointments - it seems like so many when we don't even know if there's a problem or not. If they do need to do more testing, it won't be an x-ray, it will be a CT scan and they would have to put her under for that, since babies don't stay still. Great, even the test could be a worry.

I'm just trying to keep busy until Monday. It's so overwhelming for us, we're like, "What are we getting ourselves into here?"

There's a huge difference in taking your baby who is perfectly healthy to a round of appointments vs. a baby who is visibly sick. I can't imagine doing surgery to her. BluesMan and I agree that if the surgery would be solely cosmetic, we're not interested. I guess if it's still there when she gets older if she doesn't like a line down the center of her head and they could burr it down, she could have the surgery then.

It's her party, she can cry if she wants to

2007-01-23T11:15:00.000-08:00

But she didn't! She loved her birthday party. She was so into opening presents and hugging each one, even the clothes.
She let anyone carry her around who wanted to and did a great job eating her cupcake. My favorite part was when she took off her hat and stuck it in the cake crumbs. Then, she started chewing on the fuzzy point of her hat and got it all covered in cake crumbs.
Such a sweetie!
Well, she cried once when my friend stepped on her hand. ;)

We had both sets of my grandparents, my parents, brother, MIL, BIL and girlfriend, BluesMan's aunt, and a ton of friends. It was a BLAST!

Update

2007-01-19T16:55:00.000-08:00

The craniofacial dept. called while I was at work today. I'm a little confused about the conversation, since they talked to my husband. For some reason they said we can't schedule our appt. until Monday, but it sounds like we'll be able to get in on the 28th (that can't be right, that's a Sunday) or the 5th of Feb. So at least my first fear of having to wait months to have the appointment may not happen.

We were kicking around the idea of going to Cali (L.A. area) for my SIL's college graduation in May. Tickets for the two of us (and Bubba on our laps) would run around $400. I told BluesMan that we may not be going - any tests that they run at the craniofacial are covered 80% after our $500 deductible which we haven't paid yet because it's a new year. Plus, we're going to be taking her to the allergist as well, and we have to pay 20% of any tests they run there.

It seems so petty to be concerned about the costs of possible tests and other medical care. The financial angle makes me feel so guilty for thinking about it, but I've seen how quickly tests can run up the bill - her birth was a couple thousand dollars out of pocket after we paid the midwife/doula and all the drs and hospital stuff.

When I was talking to my mom about it today, she said, "At least it's something that's fixable if she has it." That was so wise and put it in perspective for me. Even if I don't want surgery if that's where this is leading, at least it's possible. I'm thankful for that.

Someone I work with and his girlfriend were due April 15th but their baby was born on Monday at 27 weeks, 1 day. She weighed 1 lb 5 oz. She's breathing on her own and as of yesterday was 1 lb, 9oz. Prayers for this little baby too, please. I should get more details on Monday when he comes in to the office.

12 Month checkup - and prayers needed, please

2007-01-19T07:32:00.000-08:00

We had Bubba's 12 month well baby checkup on Wed. She's still small, at 17lbs, 4oz and 28 1/2 inches tall. She's 5th percentile for weight and 50th for height (Dooney, I know you hate percentiles, but when you're skewing one way on the chart they are sort of helpful.) She gained 11 oz and grew one inch in three months. Her head circumference didn't change, even though they measured it twice. I wish I had asked what it is. The nurse told me they probably just measured it wrong last time.

The doctor said Bubba was smart and the cutest baby she'd seen - she couldn't believe she just stood on my lap and watched as Dr. Fashionista listened to her heart. Then, when she took out the tongue depressor I stuck out my tongue and Bubba did it too. Dr. Fashionista was like, "wow, babies that young never do that for me!" She also showed her some of her signs, like BIRD and FISH. She also signs SLEEPY, MORE, NURSES, HAT, UP. She picks up signs like a little sponge right now. As soon as she wakes up from a nap she signs fish like she wants to make sure she still remembers it.

The not so good stuff: Her poor little legs are all red raised eczema. I know it itches her, although she doesn't complain, she has been pointing to her legs. If it was summer and we had her in clothes that showed her legs, I imagine people would keep their kids away because it looks like measles or some communicable disease. We're thinking she's allergic to oats or wheat (please not wheat - that would be a bummer!) and Dr. F wants us to go to an allergist. It's been so hard to get Bubba eating solid food (she's still not eating enough) and the things she WILL eat we think she's allergic to. What to do? Dr. F wants to also send us to a nutritionist, but it's not covered by our insurance at all and I'm not sure it's really necessary, especially after the phone call she made to me after our appt. I think we should focus on only two issues at a time, don't you?

Dr. F noticed the ridge down the center of Bubba's forehead. I posted about it on my previous blog when we were concerned before, but I don't have time to search for that post right now, I might later. When Bubba was three months old (I think, somewhere in there) we called the doctor about the ridge. She wasn't concerned. We took her to a craniosacchral person who did work on her head after her vacuum birth, she didn't seem concerned since she thought the sutures still felt open and not fused. On Wed, Dr. F mentioned that she thinks the metopic ridge has gotten more prominent. I don't know that it's gotten worse, but it's definitely not going away.

When we got home, Dr. F called me. I have never had a doctor call after an appointment because she's been rethinking things - not a good sign. She said that she's sending us a referral to Children's Hospital's Craniofacial department. She's concerned about the fact that Bubba's head measurement stayed the same and that she thinks the ridge is more prominent. So of course I did some poking around and I found the page on Children's that talks about Craniosynostosis.

What is craniosynostosis?
Craniosynostosis is the early fusion of one or more of the sutures (specialized joints between skull bones that enable expansion of the skull during normal brain growth) between the bony plates of the skull.
When the sutures fuse too early, the skull cannot grow normally.
Who gets craniosynostosis?
We don't know why some children have craniosynostosis. Most children with craniosynostosis have only one suture affected and do not have anything else wrong with them.
How is craniosynostosis treated?
Surgery to reshape the skull is the most common treatment.
Only one incision is needed, which is made in a zigzag line from just above one ear to just above the other, within the child's hair. We have found that the scar blends in very well and is usually covered completely by the hair within months of the surgery.
The neurosurgeon on the team removes the affected suture and the craniofacial plastic surgeon reshapes the skull bones into a more normal shape. The new shape is held together by plates and screws while the bone heals.
The plates and screws are made of a special material that breaks down and dissolves completely in one or two years.
After the operation, the child is cared for in the intensive care unit for one to three nights and then spends the rest of the stay on the ward.
The usual stay in the hospital lasts three to five days.
The surgery is typically performed before the baby is 1 year old, but sometimes doctors suggest just watching a child with mild craniosynostosis to see how the skull will grow.
The treatment of simple craniosynostosis may require only one surgery before the baby is 1 year old. Children with craniofacial syndromes that include craniosynostosis often need a number of surgeries to correct the problem.
To learn more about neurosurgery, visit the Neurosurgery Web site.

You can't see the line from every angle, here are a couple pics where you can:

So I've been trying to schedule the appointment, but apparently they don't answer their phone at the scheulding desk. I left a message, and they should have our referral today, so hopefully they'll call and I'll at least know how long we have to wait to find out what's going on. I believe we're looking at getting an x-ray or MRI to see if the sutures have fused yet and what exactly is going on there. I'm sick to my stomach, BluesMan is sick to his stomach, the thought of our beautiful baby needing surgery, not just any surgery, but the kind where they peel down your forehead and you're in the hospital for a few days makes me shake. I don't feel like I can do this. But maybe she's ok, we just don't know until we get that damn appointment.

I'm so pissed at myself for not pushing back when people blew off our concerns when I read that most surgeries are done before a year old, she'll be one on Sunday. I would so rather be writing about the dog-themed party I'm planning for her and how she took about five steps to BluesMan last night. I'm a mess. I've had panic attacks in the past and this is the stuff that just kills me, the worries that are just out there. It's what gets my butt back to Al-Anon.

I have 40 people coming over for her birthday party on Sunday, I have baking to do and I've gone all out, but now I'm sad and scared. I don't want to tell too many people about this because it could just be nothing, and I don't want to put a damper on her birthday celebration.

Please pray for my baby. Let us be the people wasting the doctor's time at the appointment. Let it be something that is just going to resolve itself without surgery.

Cat Scratch Feva

2006-12-11T17:59:00.000-08:00

I let my MIL watch Bubba Saturday night for a couple of hours while BluesMan was at a meeting and I wanted to do some shopping. I sort of jokingly told BluesMan while we were gone that if my baby had cat scratches when I got back I would be pissed. We had previously decided MIL couldn't watch Bubba at her house, but I felt like I was being too paranoid, so I let her for two and a half hours.

Here's the deal - my MIL is sort of flaky and we have told her before that she needs to watch Bubba around the cat - the cat I call MeanMe since she'll seem fine and then bite you. MIL claims MeanMe doesn't bite anymore, that she's much more maternal since they had the kittens they fostered. Two months ago, BluesMan was away for the weekend and I was at MIL's. MeanMe bit Bubba. She had four pointy toothmarks but the skin wasn't broken. MIL says, "Oh, I guess I should watch them more closely." I would have preferred you to watch them more closely when I told you, not having her to get bit before you believe me.

Cut back to Saturday night: We get back to MIL's to pick up Bubba and MIL tells us she got scratched by the cat. She's got four scratches on her arm, they didn't break the skin, but one is an angry red and raised. I am pissed. MIL doesn't apologize, instead she says, "I was sitting right next to them. She didn't cry so it didn't hurt her."
I look her dead in the eye and say, "I told you you need to watch her around the cat." She kept making excuses and I repeated myself again.

It could have just as easily been Bubba's face. I'm sorry, no matter how great you think your cat is, my baby is going to pull her hair and the cat's gonna get pissed. MIL's dog and cat both won't get up when Bubba tries to play with them. Instead, they let her poke and pet them until they get annoyed and the cat scatches or bites and the dog nips.

When we get home, BluesMan calls MIL and tells her our feelings our hurt, that we had already asked her to watch the animals around the baby and we don't feel like she listened to us. We were also concerned about our baby's safety.

At this point, I don't know what to do. MIL can't watch Bubba at her house anymore, period. We're not even sure if we trust her at our place. She said a couple of other things that are bothering me: At one point, she said that when she was in the kitchen and Bubba was in the living room she crawled in to see her. Her house isn't close to baby proofed - you can't leave her in the room by herself! Also, she learned to climb stairs there two weeks ago and you can access them from either the living room or kitchen - Bubba could be climbing the stairs and you wouldn't even know it!

The other thing she said was when BluesMan was on the phone with her she said to let him know if Bubba is doing anything new like reaching things higher so she'll watch for it. I'm sorry, what if it's the first time she does something with you? You need to be watching her!

This is really stressing me out. At first, I thought MIL has raised three children, she knows what she's doing, I'm just being paranoid, but BluesMan said that he's seen other grandparents act irresponsibly towards their grandchildren - that they get all caught up in having access to the child and aren't thinking safety.

She's her grandmother, I want her to be able to have a good relationship with her. I thought the way MIL didn't keep an eye on her was just because I was there and she was trying to push my buttons. It appears that no, she's just a flake.

The Christmas Toilet

2006-12-07T17:39:00.000-08:00

My dh, BluesMan, is not just a musician, he's also a carpenter and had his business license and was bonded up until I went back to work after the baby. I'm just telling you this so you know - he knows what he's doing. He's not usually an idiot and is awesome at fixing things. (As a sidenote: it's one of the reasons we bought our funky 70's condo, he can do most of the work it needs himself as long as we can buy the supplies.)

Anyway, Tuesday night my MIL who I will be coming up with a new name for, was over playing with Bubba, so we decided to fix our toilet. It had been leaking through a loose bolt in the bottom of the tank. He told me we needed to lift up the toilet over the tub to empty it. We're both straining, trying to get the toilet into the tub, spilling water all over the floor, and generally not having a great time. I'm worried about his back because I can't get in much to help since we have sliding doors on our tub and he's wedged between the toilet and the shower door.

At this point, the toilet lid swings up, giving the tank a solid "thwak." I begin hysterically laughing as I see the whole face of the tank has just broken off. Next, I say, "Shit!" and a good old, "Fuck!" just for good measure.

BluesMan gets really quiet. When we research toilets, we find ours was an old brand that is no longer made. Instead of replacing the tank, we're going to have to buy a new toilet. He felt even worse because he remembered that someone warned him when he replaced a toilet in his mom's house to tape down the seat because it can fly up and crack the tank. We also probably could have take off the tank without trying to lift the whole toilet.

What a horrible month to have to buy an unexpected toilet! It's Christmas, and we were already tight, since our electric bill is $100 more than I budgeted for - I think it must be the cathedral ceilings.

------------------------
Updated: Well, it seems BluesMan told a friend who works for a remodeling company we broke our toilet and they have toilets they've taken out of houses just sitting around (I guess they have to warehouse them until they get the budget to take them to the dump or something). Not only did he say we can come check them out, but he's also got sinks and a bunch of other stuff. He told him not to buy anything until we look at what they have. Anything has got to be better than our 1979 toilet, don'tcha think?

What $175,000 Will Get You

2006-12-07T17:32:00.000-08:00

We bought a two bedroom, 1 1/2 bath condo in the end of October. Let me show you a few pics of what $175,000 will get you in the Seattle area. Gotta love the 70's, baby!

Formerly wannababynow

2006-12-05T15:54:00.001-08:00

You can see my previous blog at
http://www.wannababynow.blogspot.com.
I stopped posting there mainly because my daugther is here and TTC is not all-consuming to my life anymore so the title of it just drove me crazy. I do wannanotherbaby, just not now.
I would like to keep blogging, and have this blog be more of an all purpose blog for my life.